A man sought medical aid because he had popped eyes and a ringing in his ears. One doctor decided remove of his tonsils would help. It Didn't. The next doctor suggest that all the man's teeth be extracted. Still his eyes popped and there was still a ringing in his ears.

Desperately, he went to the third doctor. This one gave him a thorough examination and six months to live.

The man decided he might as well treat himself while he was still able to enjoy it. He bought a new expensive, hired a chauffeur, reserved a suit in the best hotel in town, ordered twenty tailor made suits, and decided that event is shirts would be made to order.

"Yes sir", said that the shirt maker. 'Let's get your measurements. Thirty four sleeve", he called out  "Sixteen collar" insisted the shirt maker after measuring again

"But I've always worn a fifteen collar," The man said, "and that''s how I want them made"

The shirt maker shrugged "Okay" he said, but don't say I didn't warn you. If you continue to wear a fifteen collar, Your eyes will pop and you will have ringing in your ears".

**********************************************************************************

Vegetarian : I lived on vegetable for Years

Bored Listener : That's nothing, I've lived on the earth all my life.

**********************************************************************************

A Small boy came into the confession room and told the priest that he had thrown peanuts in the river. The priest thought it was a strange confession but said nothing. The next boy also confessed to throwing peanuts into the river, and the next. Finally a very small boy came in, So the priest said "Did you also throw peanuts into the river"

"No Father", said the boy, "I am Peanuts!"

**********************************************************************************

Mandy : How's your new guitar

Jenny : I threw it away.

Mandy : Why

Jenny : It had a hole in the middle

**********************************************************************************

Two thieves had just got home after robbing a big bank.

"Lets see how much we got ! " said the first

"No, I'm Tired " said the second.

"We'll find out from tomorrow's newspapers."

**********************************************************************************

Bank Manager :

This farmer is not able to decide whether he wants to                                 buy a cow or a tractor

Employee :

He would look funny riding a tractor he would look funnier                          trying  to milk a tractor

**********************************************************************************

Police : You were driving at 90 km per hour miss.

Driver : Isn't that wonderful I only passed my test yesterday

**********************************************************************************

Mother : How did you like your first day of school, Son ?

Son : Going and coming part were just fine. It was only the in between part i  did not like.

**********************************************************************************

Anjali : Mom I won't go to school any more

Mom : Why ?

Anjali : My Teacher says 8 + 2 = 10, 7 + 3 = 10, 6 + 4 = 10 and 5 + 5 = 10

Mom : So ?

Anjali : i am not going back until she makes up her mind

**********************************************************************************

Anant : I get I can make you say Black

Rohit : Go on Then,

Anant : What is the colour of our national Flag ?

Rohit : White, Green and Saffron

Anant : There you are; I told you I will make you say "green"

Rohit : No you said you will make me say "Black"

Anant : And you have just said it. Haven't you ?

**********************************************************************************

A boy had the luck to break a leg playing football. After his leg had been put in the plaster, he asked the doctor  'When you take the plaster off, Will I be able to play Violin.

"Of Course you will" said the doctor reassuringly

"That's funny" said the boy. I couldn't before you put it on."

**********************************************************************************

Trevor came rushing into his dad "Dad", he puffed, " is it true than an apple a day keeps the doctor away ?" "That's What they say", said his dad "Well give us an apple - quick. I have just broken the doctor's window !"

**********************************************************************************